|Room Type||Private room|
|Length of Stay||Minimum 6 months|
|Gender||Females & males (no couples)|
|Bond||4 weeks rent|
|Bills||Not included in rent|
|Internet||Unlimited included in rent|
|Parking||Off street parking|
So. Here you are... alone and homeless, trawling the internet at (insert current time and date) looking for a place to sleep that is comfier than that cardboard fridge box you lifted from outback of a Harvey Norman skip.
Well, don't fret any longer, and take down that extension cord that you fashioned into a noose from that load bearing beam, because there is still hope for you yet (as in finding a place to live... not regarding any other stuff you may have going on...)
Just as the innkeeper gave shelter to Joseph and the Virgin Mary (if you believe that kinda stuff that is), and just as Goldie Hawn's hot daughter and that guy from 'there's something about Mary' (not Ben Stiller, the other guy....you know...the guy) gave shelter to Owen Wilson in that movie (you know the one), WE ARE OFFERING OUR HOME TO ONE SUCCESSFUL AND LUCKY CANDIDATE
(**DISCLAIMER**: luck and success not guaranteed).
Some of the delightful features that our abode consists of includes the following:
- one bearded guy with hair (it's thinning, admittedly)
- one beardless guy without hair (don't mention it to his face, he is sensitive about it)
- we're 29 and 34 years old and getting older every day, just like you... and everyone else.
- large, multi-level living
- off street parking
- flushing toilets (no more bucketing water down the bowl on sunday morning after a night out on Jagermeister and vindaloo)
- walking distance to public transport, supermarket, cafes, and gym
- Stumbling distance from the pub and the Flemington races
- fully furnished house (almost)
- netflix and WIFI
- the comfiest couch this side of the Yarra
- We both do things for money, on a full time basis (money can be exchanged for goods and services, like bulk mayonnaise purchases, and cat massages)
- Shift workers (perpetually jet-lagged)
- Expert personal hygienists (we both showered at least once this week...not together)
-Tertiary and postgraduate educated: Alma Mater of Hollywood Upstairs medical College (if you get the reference, high fives for you!)
- We run a pretty lax OHS policy (currently 0 days injury free)
- Both relaxed, and not easily offended (hopefully you aren't either)
- Both can cook (proficient at putting ice cream in the microwave so it can just be drank, instead of getting exhausted by chewing)
If you can read between the lines. This is the kinda people we are.