Varsity Lakes, Gold Coast

💯% Reply Rate – Because Ghosting Is For Tinder

The Mission:
We’re on the hunt for a top-tier human.
Someone who wipes benches, drops banter, and doesn’t confuse “floor” with “wardrobe.”

The House:
A glorious sanctuary of good vibes, adulting excellence, and fridge Tetris mastery.
One sacred chamber has become available - and it’s whispering your name, legend.

Meet The Crew:


Misuzu & Takeshi (20s)
* Imported directly from Japan - no assembly required
* Culinary assassins who make Gordon Ramsay cry tears of soy sauce
* Takeshi’s an MMA fighter, so home invasions and bad vibes are both cancelled


Jacob (30s)


* Built different - half carpenter, half electrician, full-blown wizard with tools
* Cleans like he’s auditioning for a Dettol commercial
* Can fix your shelves, your lights, and possibly your life


Gabe (20s)


* Straight out of England, charming accent included
* Schoolteacher by day, professional sweetheart by night
* So wholesome he makes cups of tea and your faith in humanity

You (20s–30s, presumably human):

* Own fewer possessions than a monk? Excellent.
* Into growth, books, or pretending to read them? We’ll never call you out.
* Clean, considerate, funny - or at least aware of it if you’re not.
* Must not vape, ghost, or commit crimes against hygiene.

The Room:

* Four dependable walls, one loyal ceiling, and a floor that won’t judge your dance moves
* Big window for max sunlight and top-tier people-watching
* Built-in wardrobe, ceiling fan, and yes, fortnightly cleaner included
* +$50 for couples - because electricity and toilet paper aren’t infinite resources

House Perks:

* Movie nights that end in laughter, not trauma
* Deep convos that go from “how was your day” to “what even is reality?”
* Banter so sharp it should come with a warning label

Apply Now:

DM us with the secret word: Legendary
Tell us why you’re awesome - we want more than “I’m chill lol.”
Lazy one-liners will be roasted, ridiculed, and then ignored.

Hard Pass On:

❌ Smokers

❌ Vapers

❌ People who treat the floor like a laundry basket