What kind of flatmate are you?
You’re clean, they’re a mess. You like to party, they hit the sack around 9.45pm. We’ve all lived with someone who makes life … interesting, but have you experienced the full gamut of flatmate personalities? Beware, some self-reflection may ensue.
At Flatmates.com.au we can help you find the perfect flatmate for your location, search filters, price and demographic. Rest assured also that all members on our site have gone through our virtual and manual security checks.
The one thing we can’t help you with is a personality clash. So we’ve compiled a list of the common types of flatmates you’ll find in any given share house to try to give you advance warning! Use it next time you’re house- or housemate-hunting to try to work out who’s who, and who will suit you. Find yourself in this list first, then take our tips for finding a good match!
The Clean Freak
They clean. Everything. They go above and beyond. It’s not just sweeping or mopping that constitutes a Clean Freak. The Clean Freak degreases the fan in the oven exhaust on a weekly basis. The Clean Freak makes you feel guilty about being messy, without even meaning to. The Clean Freak vacuums the lounge room when your favourite tv show is on. Why then? It’s on the cleaning roster they drew up, of course!
Best matches: The Slob, The “I Didn’t Notice”, The “I Have My Family Coming to Stay Again”, so they have good reason to freak out about the cleaning.
The Slob
Opposite of The Clean Freak, The Slob is disgusting. They leave their recycling by the rubbish bin and somehow fail to ever take it out. They cook fatty sausages on the stove and don’t wipe up the grease once it has sprayed on the splash back. They leave their hair in the shower drain but then complain when the drain gets clogged. We’ve all come across The Slob in our share house lives. If you think you’re The Slob, take a deep look inside your shower drain (euphemism for your soul?) and clean that bad boy out.
Best matches: The Clean Freak, to balance the household, or The “I Didn’t Notice”, to make two peas in a grimy pod.
The Baker
This lovely flatmate delights in making treats for the house, off their own bat They make the kitchen smell great and the house feel homely. They get bonus points for cooking naughty treats, or those raspberry and white chocolate muffins you love so much. The Baker doesn’t expect anything in return: just a hand eating the treats and plenty of compliments on the moistness of the cake.
Best matches: The Partier, The Best Friends. Fun!
The Partier
Depending on the state and median age of your household, you might be The Partier, or you might all still be Partiers! The worst version of The Partier lives in an older share house, but refuses to accept the brutal truth of the passage of time. This Partier is probably past their prime but still thinks it’s O-Week every week. Partiers can always back it up, they always go hard and if they’re really organised, they’ll leave half of their kebab in the fridge for the morning after.
Best matches: The “I Didn’t Notice”, since they won’t mind the stench of garlic sauce, or The Baker, to liven up the party.
The “I Didn’t Notice”
Not noticing is this flatmate’s fave hobby. They’re not a bad person, they just “didn’t notice” the mould in the bathroom or the spilled sauce in the fridge. You can’t get mad at them because they made you a cup of tea last night when you were crying because Jeremy didn’t text you back. However, that same tea pot is still on the stove even now, stone cold and growing its own little bacterial colony. This flatmate is the same one who leaves the toilet roll on READ without the courtesy to change her over.
Best matches: The Slob.
The “I Have My Family Coming To Stay Again”
Okay, we all have family to stay sometimes and sometimes it’s great.They might bring gifts or food – or both! But this particular flatmate has family come to stay all. the. time. While they and their apparently enormous family are all lovely people, they do take up the whole lounge room, and make the queue for the shower snake all the way down the hall. Wait. Did they just accidentally drink all your milk again? This housemate can get seriously annoying.
Best matches: The Clean Freak or The Baker, to make the place seem more homely.
The Stinge
If you’re The Stinge, you usually have help with finances. Mum and dad pay your rent, or your groceries, or both. The Stinge also calculates the amount of time they spend with the light on compared to the other flatmates and wants to split the power bill based on usage, not the number of people in the house. The Stinge makes every rent or bill payment torture, and can be late paying their share, too (see also The Late Payer). FYI The Stinge sucks.
Best matches: The “Do They Even Live Here?” since they’re unreachable and reliably pay on time.
The DeBriefer
The Debriefer has never heard the phrase “TMI”. They need to let you know about every date and everything that occurred at every moment of it. The Debriefer will go into tediously gruesome depth on each event that took place as they happened, including all the sticky details, despite your visible discomfort. The Debriefer is on Tindr, Bumble, Grindr, Hinge and the pub bar( pre-pandemic), yet they haven’t had any luck tonight. But don’t worry, you’ll know when they do.
Best matches: The Partier, The Best Friends — the most social of the flatmate types.
The Do They Even Live Here
This mysterious flatmate deposits rent into your account every month and always pays their share of the bills on time. Yet you never see them. Apart from that monthly deposit and the misc. sock in the laundry basket, you wouldn’t know that they even live with you. Are they myth? Are they fable? Are they working for The Family? Honestly, who knows.
Best matches: Literally anyone.
The Late Payer
The Late Payer, as the name suggests, is always late on paying and always has an excuse. They’ll pay you next week when they get paid. They’ll pay you just as soon asTommy sorts them out for that odd job. The Late Payer is a pain in you-know-what, and when money is involved, tensions can easily rise. Our advice? Download a bill splitting app to help with the headache.
Best matches: The “Do They Even Live Here?” Then at least someone will pay on time.
The Conspiracy Theorist
The Conspiracy Theorist has a solid internet connection, an active imagination, and a little too much free time. They stumble into the kitchen while you’re making dinner, waving their arms and raving about 5G and Bill Gates. When you have friends over, they punctuate the conversation with pointed, if deluded, commentary and smug, knowing winks. Experts say that talking sense from a point of common ground is the best way to handle this kind of flatmate. Good luck!
Best matches: The Debriefer, since they both like to talk. And talk. And talk.
The Best Friends
This is your favourite flatmate, your best mate. If you’re lucky enough to live with your mates and it works, you’re on a golden ticket. If you’ve moved in with someone and they’ve turned into one of your best mates, you’re on even more of a golden ticket. Do not let this person go.
Best matches: you!
Looking to find your best friend or new flatmate? Check out our blog on the secret to living harmoniously with your flatmates and head here to start your search.
