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$250/week28 year old man

Hey yo! I am a 27 years old disgusting straight white male working full time as a white collar slave in the railway industry. I design the railway signalling systems, so if you ever get stuck in a metro train and be late for your work and get fired and lose everything and live the rest of your life as a miserable street rat, you know who to blame. Originally from Turkey, after being crushed by the steel boots of nepotism, I decided to leave the country and ended up in Straya about 4 years ago, have been eating only vegemite on toast ever since. If I say that I am social, out and about that'd be a big fat fucking lie, but if I got called anywhere, unless I am bedridden or in a coma, I'd definitely go there and accompany you. I cook, I clean, and I will listen to you if you are having a bad day, also will tag you on memes. Had my fair piece of sharehouses before, so one could argue that I am "house trained". I really enjoy movies and gaming (board & video), apart from that I like to scouge the internet to kill my already struggling brain cells when I'm not licking my boss' fake leather boots. I love to go the gym with my fat ass and embarass myself in front of the hot babes. I'd (pretty much) always down for whatever young people are drinking now, because I take refuge in alcohol in order to escape the inevitable reality. I get on the beers frequently. I have a big ass TV for Netflix/Stan/Amazon Prime/Foxtel purposes. A fridge, so you could store your ex's severed limbs. And a washing machine for your money laundering needs. A dirty old couch, but I'd probably burn that shit away for my ritual to summon Satan. I also have a bedframe (no bed though, I sleep on the floor), but that didn't help me with the ladies. I am looking for a social, happy and preferably mixed group of people (hence the pathetic self-consciousness about my asociality), to either take me into their hearts, or join forces to move in together. Handheld shower head and a decently large kitchen is a must. I have a car, and a motorcycle (both impulse buy) so I'd probably need some space for them too. Pets are big plus, not a deal breaker though. Preferably: Hawthorn, Fitzroy, Collingwood, Abbotsford and Richmond Less preferably: Toorak, Armadale, South Yarra, Malvern Any questions or if you think you have something for me, just shoot me a text!

Available 31 October 2021